Because You Deserve Support That Actually Understands Your Experience

You’ve finally decided to seek professional help for infidelity recovery. You search online for therapists, and you find one whose website says “LGBTQ+-friendly.” You schedule an appointment, hopeful that you’ve found someone who can help. Then you sit down for your first session, and within minutes, you realize you’re going to have to educate this person about your identity, your relationship dynamics, and the specific challenges you face as an LGBTQ+ person—all while trying to process the worst pain of your life.

This frustrating experience is all too common for LGBTQ+ individuals seeking support after infidelity. A rainbow flag in the office or “LGBTQ+-friendly” on a website doesn’t guarantee that a therapist truly understands the unique challenges you face, has specific training in LGBTQ+ issues, or can provide the affirming, competent support you deserve.

Finding the right therapist or support group when you’re LGBTQ+ and dealing with infidelity requires navigating a double challenge: you need someone who understands both betrayal trauma and infidelity recovery, and someone who has genuine competency in working with LGBTQ+ individuals and relationships. Many therapists have one or the other, but finding someone with both areas of expertise can feel like searching for a needle in a haystack.

This guide is designed to make that search easier. You’ll learn where to look for LGBTQ+-affirming therapists, what specific questions to ask during the vetting process, how to recognize red flags and green flags, how to find supportive communities, and what to do if you live in an area with limited resources. You’ll also find practical guidance on making therapy affordable and navigating insurance.

You deserve support that doesn’t require you to educate your therapist about your identity while you’re processing betrayal trauma. Your time and emotional energy are precious, and this guide will help you find the affirming, competent support you deserve.

Before you begin your search, it’s important to understand what true LGBTQ+ affirmation looks like in a therapeutic context. The distinction between “LGBTQ+-friendly” and “LGBTQ+-affirming” is significant, and recognizing the difference will help you identify therapists who can genuinely support your recovery.

True LGBTQ+ affirmation goes far beyond surface-level gestures like displaying a pride flag in the office or listing “LGBTQ+-friendly” on a website. While these symbols can be positive indicators, they don’t guarantee that a therapist has the training, experience, and understanding necessary to provide competent care.

Genuine LGBTQ+ affirmation requires active, ongoing education about LGBTQ+ issues and experiences. It means understanding minority stress—the chronic stress of living in a society that often marginalizes, discriminates against, or fails to recognize LGBTQ+ identities and relationships. It requires familiarity with the specific dynamics of LGBTQ+ relationships, which may differ in important ways from heterosexual relationship patterns. It means awareness of the challenges many LGBTQ+ individuals face, including coming out processes, family rejection, workplace discrimination, and navigating a world that doesn’t always recognize or validate their relationships.

An affirming therapist demonstrates commitment to using correct names, pronouns, and terminology without requiring correction or education from clients. They recognize that LGBTQ+ relationships are as valid, meaningful, and capable of healing as heterosexual relationships. They don’t pathologize LGBTQ+ identities or suggest that sexual orientation or gender identity is related to relationship problems or infidelity.

The terms “LGBTQ+-friendly” and “LGBTQ+-affirming” are often used interchangeably, but they represent meaningfully different levels of competency and support.

An LGBTQ+-friendly therapist is someone who doesn’t actively discriminate against LGBTQ+ clients and is willing to work with them. However, they may lack specific training in LGBTQ+ issues, may not fully understand the unique challenges LGBTQ+ individuals face, and may inadvertently apply heteronormative frameworks to LGBTQ+ relationships. A friendly therapist might be well-intentioned but require you to educate them about your identity and experiences.

An LGBTQ+-affirming therapist actively celebrates and validates LGBTQ+ identities. They have pursued specific training and continuing education in LGBTQ+ issues. They have substantial experience working with LGBTQ+ clients and understand the unique challenges they face. They don’t apply heteronormative assumptions or frameworks to LGBTQ+ relationships. They understand concepts like minority stress, coming out processes, and the impact of discrimination on mental health and relationships. Most importantly, they don’t require you to educate them about basic LGBTQ+ issues while you’re trying to heal from betrayal trauma.

LGBTQ+ affirmation alone, while essential, isn’t sufficient for your needs. You also need a therapist with specific training and experience in infidelity recovery, betrayal trauma, and couples therapy. The intersection of both areas of expertise is what you’re looking for.

Infidelity recovery requires specialized knowledge. A therapist needs to understand betrayal trauma and its symptoms, recognize that recovery follows predictable stages over a timeline of one to two years or more, and know how to work with both the betrayed partner and the partner who had the affair. They should be familiar with different types of affairs and understand that each type requires different recovery strategies. They need to be trauma-informed in their approach, recognizing that discovering infidelity is a genuine trauma that affects the nervous system, not just an emotional upset that can be quickly resolved.

A therapist who is excellent at general couples therapy but lacks specific infidelity recovery training may not understand the intensity and duration of betrayal trauma. They might inadvertently minimize your pain, rush you toward forgiveness before you’re ready, or fail to address the specific work required to rebuild trust after such a profound violation.

It’s important to recognize that “LGBTQ+” is not a monolithic category. The experiences, challenges, and needs of lesbian women differ from those of gay men, which differ from those of bisexual individuals, which differ from those of transgender and non-binary people. Ideally, you want a therapist with broad competency across the spectrum of LGBTQ+ identities.

However, it’s realistic to acknowledge that a therapist who is excellent with gay male couples might not have as much experience with transgender issues, or a therapist who works primarily with lesbian couples might be less familiar with the specific challenges bisexual individuals face. At minimum, you want a therapist who is willing to learn about your specific identity, who demonstrates cultural humility, and who doesn’t make you responsible for educating them about basic concepts.

If you have multiple marginalized identities—for example, if you’re a transgender person of color, or a bisexual person with a disability—you’ll want to consider whether a therapist has competency in those intersecting identities as well. Your healing journey deserves support that recognizes all aspects of who you are.

Finding an LGBTQ+-affirming therapist with infidelity recovery expertise requires knowing where to look. Fortunately, there are numerous directories, organizations, and platforms specifically designed to connect LGBTQ+ individuals with affirming mental health providers.

Specialized Directories and Databases

Psychology Today’s Therapist Finder is one of the most comprehensive therapist directories available, and it includes robust filtering options that allow you to search specifically for therapists who work with LGBTQ+ individuals and specialize in infidelity and couples therapy. When using this directory, pay attention to how therapists describe their work in their profiles. Look for specific mentions of LGBTQ+ training, certifications, or experience rather than vague statements about being “open to all clients.” Check the “Issues” section to see if infidelity, affairs, or betrayal trauma are listed. Review the “Communities” section to see if specific LGBTQ+ identities are mentioned. Be cautious of profiles that use generic language without demonstrating specific expertise.

GLMA (Gay and Lesbian Medical Association) maintains a provider directory specifically for LGBTQ+-affirming healthcare providers, including mental health professionals. This directory is particularly valuable because providers who list themselves have made an explicit commitment to serving the LGBTQ+ community.

National Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network (NQTTCN) is an invaluable resource if you’re seeking a therapist who shares your racial or ethnic identity in addition to understanding LGBTQ+ issues. This directory specifically highlights therapists of color who are trained in LGBTQ+ affirmative therapy.

OutCare maintains a health provider directory that includes mental health professionals who have been vetted for LGBTQ+ competency. The providers listed have demonstrated commitment to serving LGBTQ+ patients with cultural competency and respect.

Pride Counseling is an online therapy platform specifically designed for the LGBTQ+ community. All therapists on the platform have been vetted for LGBTQ+ affirmation and competency, which can save you significant vetting time.

GoodTherapy.org and TherapyDen are general therapy directories that include LGBTQ+ filters and allow you to search by specialty. TherapyDen is particularly notable because it was specifically designed with marginalized communities in mind and tends to attract therapists with social justice orientations.

Inclusive Therapists is a directory that focuses specifically on therapists who are committed to social justice and working with marginalized communities, including LGBTQ+ individuals. The therapists listed have made explicit commitments to anti-oppression work.

Open Path Collective is particularly valuable if cost is a concern. This network provides access to affordable therapy (typically thirty to eighty dollars per session) with vetted therapists, and you can filter for LGBTQ+ affirming providers.

Professional Organizations and Referrals

LGBTQ+ community centers exist in most major cities and many smaller cities, and they typically maintain referral lists of LGBTQ+-affirming therapists. These centers often vet providers before adding them to their lists, which can save you time in the vetting process. Many community centers also offer sliding-scale or free counseling services directly.

PFLAG chapters (Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) often maintain therapist referral lists and can be particularly helpful if family acceptance issues are part of your recovery process. Local PFLAG members may have personal experience with therapists in your area and can offer recommendations based on that experience.

Local LGBTQ+ organizations including pride organizations, HIV/AIDS service organizations (which often have mental health referrals even if you’re not HIV-positive), and transgender support organizations all typically maintain lists of affirming mental health providers.

Word of mouth and community recommendations can be invaluable. If you have trusted friends in the LGBTQ+ community, ask if they have therapist recommendations. You can also post in local LGBTQ+ social media groups asking for recommendations, though be mindful of your privacy when doing so. If you have an LGBTQ+-affirming primary care provider, they may also have therapist referrals.

Online Therapy Platforms

Online therapy has expanded access to specialized care dramatically, and it’s particularly valuable for LGBTQ+ individuals who may live in areas with limited local resources or who value the privacy and discretion that online therapy provides.

Pride Counseling is BetterHelp’s LGBTQ+-specific platform, where all therapists have been specifically vetted for LGBTQ+ competency. This can be an excellent option if you want to avoid the vetting process yourself, though you should still ask about infidelity recovery experience specifically.

Talkspace offers LGBTQ+ specialist matching and allows you to specify that you’re looking for a therapist with both LGBTQ+ competency and infidelity recovery experience. The platform offers various pricing tiers depending on whether you want messaging-only therapy, video sessions, or a combination.

FOLX Health is a transgender-focused healthcare platform that includes mental health services. If you’re transgender or non-binary, this platform ensures you’ll work with providers who have specific trans competency.

General platforms like BetterHelp, Talkspace, and Cerebral all allow you to filter for LGBTQ+ specialists and specify that you’re seeking help with infidelity recovery. The advantage of these platforms is often lower cost and greater scheduling flexibility compared to traditional in-person therapy.

However, it’s important to note that even on LGBTQ+-focused platforms, vetting is still necessary. “LGBTQ+ specialist” doesn’t automatically mean the therapist has extensive experience with your specific identity or with infidelity recovery. You’ll still want to ask the specific questions outlined in the next section to ensure a good fit.

Insurance Considerations

Navigating insurance while seeking LGBTQ+-affirming, infidelity-specialized care can be challenging, but it’s worth the effort if it makes therapy financially accessible for you.

When calling your insurance company, be specific about what you’re looking for. Say something like, “I’m looking for a couples therapist who specializes in infidelity recovery and has specific training and experience working with LGBTQ+ individuals and relationships.” Ask if they can provide a list of in-network providers who meet these criteria. Be aware that insurance company directories are often outdated, so always call the therapist’s office to verify they’re still in-network before scheduling.

Many excellent LGBTQ+-affirming therapists who specialize in infidelity recovery don’t take insurance. There are several reasons for this. Insurance companies may not cover couples therapy, viewing it as a relationship issue rather than a mental health issue. Some therapists opt out of insurance panels to avoid discrimination in reimbursement rates or to maintain greater control over their practice. There are also privacy concerns, as insurance requires diagnosis codes that become part of your permanent health record.

If you find a therapist who doesn’t take insurance but seems like an excellent fit, ask about out-of-network reimbursement. Some insurance plans will reimburse you for a portion of out-of-network therapy costs. You pay the therapist upfront and then submit a “superbill” (a detailed receipt) to your insurance company for partial reimbursement.

For those seeking more affordable options, sliding scale fees are offered by many therapists based on income, though they may not advertise this on their websites. Always ask if sliding scale is available. Open Path Collective, mentioned earlier, provides access to therapy for thirty to eighty dollars per session after a one-time sixty-five dollar membership fee. LGBTQ+ community centers often offer free or low-cost counseling, though there may be wait lists. University counseling training clinics provide low-cost therapy with supervised graduate students, and the quality is often excellent—just be sure to ask about LGBTQ+ competency. Many employers offer Employee Assistance Programs (EAP) that provide three to eight free therapy sessions, and you can request connection with an LGBTQ+-affirming provider. Finally, therapy is an eligible expense for Health Savings Accounts (HSA) and Flexible Spending Accounts (FSA), allowing you to use pre-tax dollars.

Finding potential therapists is only the first step. The vetting process—asking specific questions and paying attention to how therapists respond—is essential to ensuring you find someone who can genuinely support your recovery.

Before scheduling a full session, reach out to potential therapists by phone or email with specific questions. Most therapists offer brief phone consultations at no charge, and this is your opportunity to screen for fit before investing time and money in a full session.

“Do you have specific training or certification in working with LGBTQ+ individuals and couples?” This question helps you understand whether their LGBTQ+ competency comes from formal training or is more informal. Listen for mentions of specific training programs, certifications, or ongoing continuing education in LGBTQ+ issues. A red flag is hearing “I treat everyone the same” or “Love is love,” which suggests they don’t understand the unique challenges LGBTQ+ individuals face. A green flag is when they name specific training programs, conferences they’ve attended, or LGBTQ+-focused continuing education they’ve completed.

“What percentage of your practice is LGBTQ+ clients?” This question reveals the depth of their experience. If at least thirty to fifty percent of their practice is LGBTQ+ clients, that indicates genuine, ongoing experience. A red flag is vague answers like “I’ve had a few” or “I’m open to working with anyone.” A green flag is when the majority of their practice is LGBTQ+ clients, or they work exclusively with the LGBTQ+ community.

“Do you have experience working with [your specific identity]?” Be specific here—lesbian couples, gay male couples, bisexual individuals, transgender clients, non-binary individuals. Listen for specific examples and comfort with your identity. A red flag is hesitation, saying “I’m willing to learn,” or treating all LGBTQ+ identities as interchangeable. A green flag is immediate comfort, specific examples of work with your identity, and understanding of the unique challenges you face.

“Do you have specific training and experience in infidelity recovery and betrayal trauma?” This question addresses the other half of the expertise equation. Listen for mentions of specific therapeutic modalities like the Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), or PACT (Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy), as well as understanding of betrayal trauma as a genuine trauma response. A red flag is general couples therapy experience without infidelity-specific training. A green flag is when they name specific infidelity recovery frameworks, discuss betrayal trauma, mention different types of affairs, and demonstrate understanding that recovery is a long process.

“What is your approach to couples therapy after infidelity?” This question reveals their therapeutic philosophy and methodology. Listen for a structured approach, acknowledgment that recovery takes significant time, and trauma-informed language. A red flag is vague statements like “We’ll just work on communication” or rushing to forgiveness and reconciliation. A green flag is mentioning stages of recovery, betrayal trauma symptoms, type-specific approaches to different kinds of affairs, and realistic timelines of one to two years or more.

“How do you handle situations where relationship structures differ from traditional monogamy?” This question is particularly relevant if you’re in or considering an open relationship, polyamorous arrangement, or other form of ethical non-monogamy. Listen for non-judgmental responses and understanding that infidelity can occur in any relationship structure when agreements are violated. A red flag is judgment about non-monogamy or assumptions that non-monogamy caused the infidelity. A green flag is understanding that betrayal is fundamentally about broken agreements rather than specific relationship structures, and comfort working with diverse relationship configurations.

Once you’ve scheduled a first session with a therapist who seems promising based on your phone screening, pay close attention to what you observe and experience during that session.

Pronoun usage and names are fundamental indicators of respect and competency. Does the therapist ask for your pronouns at the beginning of the session? Do they use your pronouns correctly and consistently throughout the conversation? If you’re transgender, do they use your correct name without slipping into deadnaming (using your birth name)? These basics are non-negotiable.

If you’re meeting in person, observe the office environment. Are there visible signs of LGBTQ+ affirmation such as pride flags, safe space stickers, or LGBTQ+-inclusive reading materials in the waiting room? Do intake forms include options for diverse gender identities and sexual orientations beyond just male/female and straight/gay? Are bathrooms gender-neutral or clearly marked as inclusive? While these environmental factors aren’t sufficient on their own, their absence can be a warning sign.

Pay attention to the language and assumptions the therapist uses. Do they use gender-neutral language until you specify the gender of your partner and others in your life? Do they avoid heteronormative assumptions about your relationship? Do they understand LGBTQ+-specific terminology without requiring you to explain basic concepts? The ease and naturalness with which they navigate LGBTQ+ language reveals their level of experience and comfort.

Notice their understanding of your specific challenges. When you mention minority stress, do they understand what you mean, or do you have to explain the concept? When you discuss family acceptance issues, do they immediately understand the context, or do they seem confused? Do they grasp the specific dynamics of your relationship type without extensive explanation? You shouldn’t have to provide LGBTQ+ 101 education to your therapist.

During the session, ask direct questions to further assess fit. “How do you stay current on LGBTQ+ issues and best practices?” reveals whether they engage in ongoing education. “Have you worked with couples dealing with [your specific type of affair]?” assesses their infidelity recovery experience. “What’s your success rate with couples recovering from infidelity?” gives you a sense of their track record, though be aware that “success” can be defined in different ways. “What does the recovery process typically look like in terms of timeline and stages?” reveals whether they have a structured approach and realistic expectations. “How do you handle situations where one partner is ready to move forward and the other isn’t?” addresses a common challenge in infidelity recovery.

Certain warning signs should prompt you to continue your search rather than s/ettling for a therapist who isn’t truly affirming or competent.

Microaggressions are subtle comments or behaviors that reveal underlying bias. Examples include “You don’t look gay,” “Which one of you is the man in the relationship?”, or expressing surprise that you’re in a long-term committed relationship. These comments, while sometimes unintentional, reveal problematic assumptions and lack of understanding.

Excessive curiosity about aspects of your identity that aren’t clinically relevant is a red flag. Asking invasive questions about your sex life, your body (particularly if you’re transgender), or your identity that go beyond what’s necessary for treatment suggests the therapist is satisfying their own curiosity rather than focusing on your therapeutic needs.

Any history of conversion therapy or support for conversion therapy is an absolute deal-breaker. Conversion therapy is harmful, unethical, and rejected by every major mental health organization. A therapist who has practiced or supports conversion therapy cannot provide affirming care.

The statement “I treat everyone the same” is often intended to sound inclusive, but it actually reveals a lack of understanding. Treating everyone the same ignores the reality of minority stress, discrimination, and the unique challenges LGBTQ+ individuals face. Effective therapy requires recognizing and addressing these specific challenges.

Requiring you to educate them about basic LGBTQ+ concepts is inappropriate. While some learning is normal when a therapist encounters an identity or experience they’re less familiar with, you shouldn’t be teaching Therapy 101 about LGBTQ+ issues. Your time and emotional energy should be focused on your healing, not on educating your therapist.

Pathologizing your identity in any way—suggesting that your sexual orientation or gender identity is related to the infidelity or relationship problems—is completely unacceptable. Your LGBTQ+ identity is not a problem to be solved or a factor in why infidelity occurred.

Visible discomfort with your identity, including hesitation, awkwardness, or apparent nervousness when discussing LGBTQ+ topics, suggests the therapist lacks sufficient experience and comfort to provide effective care.

Applying heteronormative frameworks without adaptation is a subtle but significant red flag. If the therapist uses examples, language, or therapeutic approaches designed for heterosexual couples without acknowledging or adapting to the differences in LGBTQ+ relationships, they’re not providing truly affirming care.

Rushing to forgiveness or minimizing betrayal trauma by pushing you to “get over it” quickly reveals a lack of understanding about the depth and duration of betrayal trauma. Recovery takes time, and a competent therapist understands this.

In couples therapy, taking sides inappropriately is problematic. While there are exceptions in cases of abuse, a couples therapist should generally maintain neutrality and help both partners work through the aftermath of infidelity.

Just as important as recognizing red flags is identifying green flags that indicate you’ve found a therapist who can genuinely support your recovery.

Immediate comfort and naturalness with your identity and pronouns, without any awkwardness or hesitation, indicates substantial experience and genuine affirmation. The conversation should flow naturally without the therapist stumbling over terminology or seeming uncertain.

Asking about your specific experience rather than making assumptions shows cultural humility and respect. A good therapist recognizes that every LGBTQ+ person’s experience is unique and wants to understand your particular situation rather than applying stereotypes.

Demonstrating knowledge of LGBTQ+-specific challenges without requiring you to explain them reveals genuine expertise. They should understand concepts like minority stress, coming out processes, family rejection, and discrimination without needing education from you.

Having LGBTQ+-specific training and continuing education, which they can describe specifically, indicates ongoing commitment to competency. They should be able to name training programs, conferences, or continuing education they’ve completed.

Understanding minority stress and its impact on relationships and mental health is essential. A competent therapist recognizes that LGBTQ+ individuals navigate chronic stress from living in a society that often marginalizes them, and this stress affects relationships.

A trauma-informed approach to betrayal that recognizes infidelity as a genuine trauma requiring specific treatment is crucial. They should understand betrayal trauma symptoms and treat them with appropriate seriousness.

A realistic timeline for recovery that acknowledges healing takes one to two years or more, rather than suggesting you should be “over it” in a few months, indicates understanding of the recovery process.

A type-specific approach to infidelity that recognizes different types of affairs require different recovery strategies shows sophisticated understanding. They should be able to discuss how an emotional affair differs from a one-night stand, or how serial cheating requires different work than an exit affair.

Validating your pain without rushing to solutions demonstrates appropriate empathy and understanding. Early in recovery, validation is more important than problem-solving.

Respecting your relationship structure and agreements, whether you’re monogamous or practicing some form of ethical non-monogamy, without judgment is essential. They should understand that betrayal is about violated agreements, not specific relationship configurations.

A collaborative approach that treats you as the expert on your own experience while they provide professional guidance creates an effective therapeutic partnership. They should respect your knowledge of your own identity and relationship while offering their expertise in trauma and recovery.

Cultural humility and willingness to learn about aspects of your identity or experience they’re less familiar with, while not requiring you to provide basic education, strikes the right balance. No therapist knows everything, but they should have a strong foundation and be willing to do their own research when needed.

While individual or couples therapy is often essential for infidelity recovery, support groups can provide additional community, validation, and practical strategies. However, finding LGBTQ+-affirming support groups specifically for infidelity recovery can be challenging.

Infidelity-specific support groups are rare but extremely valuable when you can find them. These groups focus specifically on recovering from betrayal and may not be LGBTQ+-specific, but they can still be helpful if the facilitators and participants are affirming. Before joining, ask explicitly about LGBTQ+ inclusivity and whether there are currently any LGBTQ+ participants.

LGBTQ+ relationship support groups may not focus specifically on infidelity but provide community and understanding from others navigating relationship challenges. These groups are often offered through LGBTQ+ community centers and can be valuable for the sense of community they provide, even if infidelity isn’t the primary focus.

Online support communities have expanded dramatically and can be particularly valuable if you live in an area with limited local resources. Reddit communities like r/AsOneAfterInfidelity are general infidelity recovery communities that are LGBTQ+-inclusive, and there are LGBTQ+-specific relationship subreddits as well. Facebook has numerous private groups—search for terms like “LGBTQ+ infidelity recovery,” “lesbian relationship support,” or “gay couples counseling.” Discord servers focused on LGBTQ+ relationship support are also growing. Online forums like Empty Closets have LGBTQ+-specific sections that include relationship support.

Identity-specific groups such as lesbian support groups, gay men’s support groups, bisexual support groups, or transgender support groups may not be relationship-focused but provide community and understanding that can be valuable during your recovery journey.

Finding support groups requires some detective work, but there are several reliable avenues to explore.

Through therapists and counseling centers, you can ask your individual or couples therapist if they know of LGBTQ+-affirming infidelity support groups. LGBTQ+ community centers frequently host various support groups, and even if they don’t have an infidelity-specific group, they may know of one or be willing to start one if there’s interest.

Through LGBTQ+ organizations including local pride organizations, PFLAG chapters, HIV/AIDS service organizations, and transgender support organizations, you can inquire about relationship support groups or ask for referrals.

Online searches using terms like “[your city] LGBTQ+ support groups,” “[your city] infidelity support groups,” or “[your identity] relationship support groups” can yield results. Be sure to search both general terms and identity-specific terms.

Social media is increasingly valuable for finding support communities. Search Facebook for private groups, ask in local LGBTQ+ community groups, or use Twitter hashtags like #LGBTQSupport or #InfidelityRecovery to find communities and resources.

Just as you vet therapists, you should vet support groups before committing your time and emotional energy.

Before joining, ask whether the group is explicitly LGBTQ+-affirming. Ask whether there’s a trained facilitator or if it’s peer-led—both can be valuable, but facilitated groups often have better structure and management of group dynamics. Inquire about group guidelines around confidentiality, as this is essential for feeling safe to share. Ask whether the group is focused on staying together, leaving, or open to both paths—you want a group that respects your choices rather than pushing a particular agenda. Finally, ask about the format, whether it’s a sharing circle, structured discussion, or educational format, to ensure it matches what you’re looking for.

Red flags in support groups include pressure to make specific decisions about staying or leaving, lack of clear confidentiality agreements, judgmental attitudes toward LGBTQ+ identities or relationship structures, groups dominated by one or two people who monopolize time and attention, and lack of a facilitator to manage dynamics in groups where dynamics become problematic.

Green flags in support groups include clear confidentiality agreements that everyone commits to, a skilled facilitator who manages group dynamics and ensures everyone has space to share, explicit LGBTQ+ affirmation in group guidelines and culture, respect for diverse decisions and timelines without pressure to conform to others’ choices, and balanced participation where everyone has opportunity to share and be heard.

If no suitable groups exist in your area, consider creating your own support network. You might start a virtual support group using video conferencing platforms, which allows you to connect with LGBTQ+ individuals dealing with infidelity regardless of geographic location. You can connect one-on-one with others through online communities, which can be just as valuable as group support. Some online therapy platforms offer group sessions that you might be able to access. Finally, you could create a private Facebook or Discord group specifically for LGBTQ+ individuals dealing with infidelity, starting with just a few people and growing organically.

While there are commonalities across LGBTQ+ experiences, each identity within the community faces unique challenges that deserve specific attention when seeking support for infidelity recovery.

Lesbian women seeking support for infidelity recovery should look for therapists who understand the specific dynamics of lesbian relationships, including the particular intensity and depth of emotional intimacy that characterizes many lesbian partnerships. A competent therapist should have experience with emotional affairs, which are particularly common and particularly devastating in lesbian relationships. They should understand the stereotype of “lesbian bed death” and the sexual pressure this creates, without buying into the stereotype themselves. They should also be aware of the challenges created by small lesbian communities, where you may encounter your partner’s affair partner regularly and where social consequences can be significant.

When vetting therapists, ask specifically, “Have you worked with lesbian couples dealing with infidelity?” Listen for specific examples and comfort with lesbian relationship dynamics. Ask, “How do you approach emotional affairs versus physical affairs in lesbian relationships?” to assess whether they understand the particular significance of emotional betrayal in lesbian partnerships. Ask, “Do you understand the unique challenges of small lesbian communities?” to determine whether they grasp the social complexity of infidelity in tight-knit communities.

Gay men seeking support should look for therapists who understand the diversity of relationship structures in gay male communities and don’t assume monogamy is the default or only valid choice. A competent therapist should take a non-judgmental approach to both monogamy and various forms of ethical non-monogamy. They should understand sexual health concerns, particularly around HIV and STIs, and how these intersect with infidelity. They should also be aware of the challenges gay men face around masculinity and emotional expression, and create space for vulnerability without reinforcing harmful stereotypes about masculinity.

When vetting therapists, ask, “How do you work with gay male couples around relationship agreements and structure?” to assess their comfort with diverse relationship configurations. Ask, “Do you have experience with sexual health concerns in the context of infidelity?” to determine whether they can address the medical and emotional dimensions of sexual health. Ask, “How do you approach masculinity and emotional vulnerability in therapy?” to understand whether they’ll help you access and express emotions that may feel at odds with masculine socialization.

Bisexual individuals seeking support should look for therapists who understand bisexuality as a valid, stable identity rather than a phase, confusion, or stepping stone to being gay or straight. A competent therapist should be aware of biphobia from both straight and LGBTQ+ communities and actively work against these biases. They should understand that when the affair partner’s gender differs from yours, this can trigger unique insecurities and questions. They should never make assumptions that bisexual people “need” both genders or are inherently non-monogamous.

When vetting therapists, ask, “Do you have specific training or experience working with bisexual individuals?” to assess whether they’ve sought out education about bisexual-specific issues. Ask, “How do you address biphobia and stereotypes in therapy?” to determine whether they’re aware of and actively combat biphobic assumptions. Ask, “Have you worked with bisexual individuals dealing with identity-related aspects of infidelity?” to understand whether they grasp how the gender of the affair partner can complicate recovery for bisexual people.

Transgender and non-binary individuals seeking support should look for therapists with specific transgender competency training, not just general LGBTQ+ training. A competent therapist should understand gender dysphoria and how it might intersect with relationship issues, while being clear that gender identity is not the cause of infidelity. They should respect chosen names and pronouns consistently without any slipping or “mistakes.” They should be aware of how medical transition can affect relationships and create stress, while not assuming transition is related to the infidelity. Most importantly, they should understand that infidelity is about broken trust and violated agreements, not about gender identity.

When vetting therapists, ask, “Do you have specific training in working with transgender and non-binary clients?” to ensure they have education beyond general LGBTQ+ awareness. Ask, “Have you worked with transgender individuals or couples dealing with infidelity?” to assess their specific experience. Ask, “How do you approach questions about gender identity and attraction in the context of infidelity recovery?” to understand whether they’ll help you navigate these questions without pathologizing your identity. Ask, “What is your understanding of how medical transition might intersect with relationship stress?” to determine whether they grasp the complexity without making inappropriate causal connections.

Critical red flags for transgender and non-binary individuals include any suggestion that your gender identity is related to the infidelity, curiosity about your body or medical transition that isn’t clinically relevant, any misgendering or deadnaming even if framed as “accidental,” and lack of understanding of basic transgender terminology and issues. These red flags should prompt you to end the relationship with that therapist immediately.

Not everyone lives in a major city with abundant LGBTQ+-affirming mental health resources. If you live in a rural area, a conservative region, or a smaller town, finding local support can be genuinely challenging. However, there are strategies that can help you access the support you need.

Online therapy has revolutionized access to specialized care, and it’s particularly valuable for LGBTQ+ individuals in areas with limited local resources. The advantages are significant: you gain access to specialists anywhere in the country or even internationally, rather than being limited to providers in your immediate area. Online therapy offers privacy and discretion, which can be particularly important if you live in a community where being LGBTQ+ or dealing with relationship problems could create social consequences. It’s often more affordable than traditional in-person therapy, with subscription models that can make costs more predictable. Finally, online therapy offers flexible scheduling, including evenings and weekends, which can be easier to fit into your life.

To access online therapy, you can use LGBTQ+-focused platforms like Pride Counseling or FOLX Health, which ensure all therapists have LGBTQ+ competency. You can use general platforms like BetterHelp or Talkspace with LGBTQ+ specialist filters. You can also search Psychology Today for therapists who offer telehealth and filter for both LGBTQ+ affirmation and infidelity recovery expertise, then schedule video sessions regardless of where the therapist is located.

If local support groups don’t exist, virtual communities can provide connection, validation, and practical support. Online communities on Reddit, Facebook, Discord, and LGBTQ+-focused forums can connect you with others who understand your experience. Many LGBTQ+ community centers now offer virtual support groups that are open to people nationwide, not just local residents. Some online therapy platforms offer group sessions that you can access from anywhere. You might even consider creating your own virtual support group, starting with just a few people you connect with online and growing from there.

Some therapists offer intensive couples therapy formats—weekend or week-long sessions that compress months of work into a concentrated period. If local options are truly limited, it may be worth traveling to access this kind of intensive therapy. These intensives can actually be more effective than weekly sessions spread over many months, as they allow for deeper work without the interruption of returning to daily life between sessions. While the upfront cost and travel are significant, the concentrated format may ultimately be more cost-effective and impactful than months of weekly sessions.

When professional support is inaccessible or unaffordable, high-quality books, workbooks, and self-guided resources can provide structure and guidance for your recovery. While they’re not a complete substitute for professional therapy, they can be valuable supplements or primary resources when other options aren’t available. Look for books and workbooks specifically about infidelity recovery that you can adapt to your LGBTQ+ experience. Seek out online courses and programs, though be sure to vet them for LGBTQ+ affirmation. Podcasts and YouTube channels can provide education and support, though again, vetting for LGBTQ+ affirmation is essential. Use these self-help resources as supplements to whatever professional support you can access, even if that support is limited.

The cost of therapy can be a significant barrier to accessing support, and it’s important to acknowledge this reality while also exploring strategies to make therapy more affordable.

Therapy costs vary significantly depending on location, therapist credentials and experience, and whether you’re pursuing individual or couples therapy. Individual therapy typically ranges from one hundred to three hundred dollars per session, while couples therapy typically ranges from one hundred fifty to four hundred dollars per session. Online therapy subscription models usually cost sixty to one hundred dollars per week. LGBTQ+-affirming specialists with infidelity recovery expertise may cost more than general therapists because of their specialized training and expertise, higher demand combined with limited supply, and the fact that many don’t take insurance, which we’ll discuss shortly.

If you have health insurance with mental health benefits, using insurance can make therapy significantly more affordable. Call your insurance company and ask specifically for LGBTQ+-affirming couples therapists who specialize in infidelity recovery. Understand your mental health benefits, including your copay amount, whether you have a deductible that must be met first, and whether there are session limits per year. Before scheduling with any therapist, ask explicitly whether they’re in-network with your insurance plan.

Many excellent LGBTQ+-affirming therapists who specialize in infidelity recovery don’t take insurance, and there are legitimate reasons for this. Insurance companies may not cover couples therapy, viewing it as a relationship issue rather than a mental health issue. Some therapists opt out of insurance panels to avoid discrimination in reimbursement rates or to maintain greater control over their practice and treatment approaches. There are also privacy concerns, as insurance requires diagnosis codes that become part of your permanent health record, which some clients prefer to avoid.

If you find a therapist who doesn’t take insurance but seems like an excellent fit, ask about out-of-network reimbursement. Some insurance plans will reimburse you for a portion of out-of-network therapy costs. In this arrangement, you pay the therapist upfront at each session, and the therapist provides you with a “superbill”—a detailed receipt with diagnosis codes and other information—that you submit to your insurance company for partial reimbursement.

Even if insurance isn’t an option, there are numerous ways to make therapy more affordable. Many therapists offer sliding scale fees based on income, even if they don’t advertise this on their websites. Always ask whether sliding scale is available. Open Path Collective provides access to therapy for thirty to eighty dollars per session with vetted therapists after a one-time sixty-five dollar membership fee, and you can filter for LGBTQ+-affirming providers. LGBTQ+ community centers often offer free or low-cost counseling services, though there may be wait lists. University counseling training programs offer low-cost therapy with supervised graduate students, and the quality is often excellent—just be sure to ask about LGBTQ+ competency. Many employers offer Employee Assistance Programs (EAP) that provide three to eight free therapy sessions, and you can request connection with an LGBTQ+-affirming provider. Finally, therapy is an eligible expense for Health Savings Accounts (HSA) and Flexible Spending Accounts (FSA), allowing you to use pre-tax dollars to pay for sessions.

While the cost of therapy can feel overwhelming, it’s worth considering the cost of not getting help. Untreated betrayal trauma can destroy your mental health, leading to depression, anxiety, and PTSD symptoms that affect every area of your life. It can damage your physical health through chronic stress, sleep disruption, and stress-related illnesses. It can harm your future relationships, as unresolved betrayal trauma often carries forward into new partnerships. If you’re trying to save your current relationship, the cost of divorce—both financial and emotional—is typically far higher than the cost of therapy. The lost productivity at work, the impact on your parenting if you have children, and the overall diminishment of your quality of life all represent costs that may exceed the investment in therapy.

To make therapy work within your budget, consider starting with every other week if weekly sessions are unaffordable. You might alternate between individual sessions and couples sessions. Online therapy platforms often offer lower costs than traditional in-person therapy. You can supplement professional therapy with support groups, which are often free, and self-help resources like books and workbooks. Even limited professional support is better than no professional support, and you can increase frequency as your financial situation allows.

It’s important to know that finding the right therapist sometimes requires trying more than one. If your first choice doesn’t work out, this doesn’t mean you’ve failed or that good support doesn’t exist—it means you’re being appropriately selective about who you trust with your healing.

There are many legitimate reasons to switch therapists, and you don’t need to feel guilty about making this choice. Common reasons include lack of chemistry or connection, discovering they’re not as LGBTQ+-affirming as advertised, realizing they don’t have sufficient infidelity recovery expertise, finding that their approach doesn’t match your needs, or encountering logistical issues like cost, scheduling conflicts, or location challenges.

You don’t need permission to switch therapists, and you don’t owe your current therapist an extensive explanation. You can simply say, “I’ve decided to pursue other options,” and request that your records be transferred to your new therapist if you’d like continuity of care.

It’s generally advisable to give a new therapist two to three sessions before making a final decision about fit. The first session is often primarily intake and assessment, so you may not get a full sense of the therapist’s approach. The second and third sessions give you a better understanding of their therapeutic style and whether you feel comfortable and supported.

That said, trust your gut. If something feels wrong, it probably is. You don’t need to continue with a therapist who makes you uncomfortable or doesn’t seem competent, even if you’ve only had one session.

There are some immediate deal-breakers that don’t require multiple sessions to identify: microaggressions or overt bias, misgendering or deadnaming, pathologizing your identity, or demonstrating lack of basic LGBTQ+ understanding. If you encounter any of these in a first session, it’s appropriate to end the relationship immediately.

Finding the right therapist matters profoundly. Therapy is only effective if you feel safe, understood, and respected. The right therapist can be genuinely life-changing, helping you not only survive betrayal but emerge stronger, clearer, and more connected to yourself.

Don’t settle for “good enough” when it comes to processing trauma and healing from betrayal. Your recovery deserves a therapist who truly understands your experience, has the expertise to guide you, and creates a space where you can be fully yourself. Keep looking. The right therapist is out there, and each consultation teaches you more about what you need. Your healing is worth the effort of finding the right support.

Finding LGBTQ+-affirming support for infidelity recovery requires effort, patience, and persistence, but you deserve nothing less than a therapist and community that truly understand your experience.

True LGBTQ+ affirmation goes far beyond a rainbow flag or a website listing. It requires specific training, substantial experience, ongoing education, and genuine understanding of the unique challenges LGBTQ+ individuals face. When you combine this with expertise in infidelity recovery and betrayal trauma, you’re looking for a specific intersection of competencies that may take time to find.

The vetting process—asking specific questions, paying attention to red flags and green flags, and trusting your gut about fit—is essential. Don’t skip this process or settle for a therapist who isn’t truly affirming simply because you’re desperate for help. The wrong therapist can actually impede your healing, while the right therapist can transform your recovery journey.

Remember that online therapy has dramatically expanded access to specialized care. If you live in an area with limited local resources, you can access excellent LGBTQ+-affirming therapists with infidelity recovery expertise through online platforms. Geographic limitations no longer have to prevent you from getting the support you need.

Cost can be a barrier, but affordable options exist. Sliding scale fees, Open Path Collective, community center counseling, training clinics, EAP benefits, and using HSA or FSA funds can all make therapy more accessible. The investment in your healing is worth prioritizing, as the cost of not getting help is typically far higher in terms of your mental health, physical health, relationships, and overall quality of life.

If your first choice doesn’t work out, it’s okay to keep looking. Finding the right fit sometimes requires trying more than one therapist, and this is a normal part of the process. Each consultation teaches you more about what you need, and the right therapist is worth the search.

You deserve support that doesn’t require you to educate your therapist about your identity while you’re processing the worst pain of your life. You deserve a therapist who sees your relationship as valid, your pain as real, and your recovery as possible. You deserve a community that understands what you’re going through and validates your experience.

Don’t wait. Start your search today. Reach out to directories, make phone calls, schedule consultations. Your healing journey deserves to begin with the right guide, and that guide exists. Keep looking until you find them.

You are not alone. Thousands of LGBTQ+ individuals have walked this path before you, and thousands more will walk it after you. Support exists. Affirming therapists exist. Healing is possible. Your pain is real, your relationship matters, and your recovery deserves the best support available.

Psychology Today Therapist Finder – Comprehensive directory with LGBTQ+ and infidelity filters: psychologytoday.com/us/therapists

TherapyDen – Directory designed for marginalized communities: therapyden.com

Inclusive Therapists – Social justice-oriented therapist directory: inclusivetherapists.com

GoodTherapy – General directory with LGBTQ+ filters: goodtherapy.org

GLMA Provider Directory – Gay and Lesbian Medical Association’s provider list: glma.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=Page.viewPage&pageID=939

OutCare – LGBTQ+ health provider directory: outcare.health

NQTTCN – National Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network: nqttcn.com/directory

Pride Counseling – LGBTQ+-specific online therapy: pridecounseling.com

BetterHelp – General platform with LGBTQ+ specialists: betterhelp.com

Talkspace – Online therapy with LGBTQ+ matching: talkspace.com

FOLX Health – Transgender-focused healthcare including mental health: folxhealth.com

Open Path Collective – Affordable therapy network ($30-$80/session): openpathcollective.org

Local LGBTQ+ Community Centers – Search “[your city] LGBTQ+ community center” for local resources

University Training Clinics – Search “[your city] university counseling clinic” for low-cost options

Reddit: r/AsOneAfterInfidelity – General infidelity recovery community (LGBTQ+-inclusive): reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity

Facebook Groups – Search “LGBTQ+ infidelity recovery,” “lesbian relationship support,” “gay couples counseling”

Local LGBTQ+ Community Centers – Often host support groups; search online for centers in your area

Learn more about the After the Affair series

If you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, please reach out for help immediately.
Contact The Trevor Project (1-866-488-7386) for LGBTQ+-specific crisis support, or contact a crisis hotline, go to an emergency room, or call emergency services.